Five Steps to a Five/P90X

It took some significant effort to compile this concise and effective source of AP English advice and stratagems.  Please guard this manual with your life and treat it with reverence.  If you follow these five steps, you can expect glory, wealth, and a 5 on the AP exam in the near future.  However, if you digress from this set path of instructions, prepare for pain and anguish.

Step One:  Never look back. 

            It all comes back to the origin—that time you first sign up for AP English 11.  When you sign your scheduling contract with the Chagrin Falls Counseling Department, your soul will become the property of a higher power.  Do not fret.  Do not cry.  Do not get anxious.  These emotions will only weigh you down, and in some severe cases, destroy you.  Honestly, you will probably lose many of your friends on this journey.  You must leave them behind, as only the strong survive.

 Step Two: Weight training for your hands.

            Unless you start bulking your hands up with some serious muscle, you can anticipate to have arthritis by the time you turn twenty. Many a student has suffered a drop in his or her English grade because of the inability to cope with the physical stress.  Weak hands, weak mind.

 Step Three: Stock up on blue and black pens.

            Only two colors of ink have permission to enter the domain of Ms. Serensky.  To bring any other color would shake the foundations of the classroom.  Red?  Purple?  Green?  Sorry, fat chance.  How about black and blue?  Sure, if you can handle Ms. Serensky making you black and blue.

Step Four: Never miss a day of class…ever.
            The bus has broken down and your car has no gas.  Also, a lightning storm rages outside your window and the temperature has dropped below zero.  School starts in less than thirty minutes.  What do you do?  You run as fast as humanly possible—or collapse from complete exhaustion—until you reach the AP English classroom.  Missing one day could freeze the world over and permanently prevent you from catching up.  Punctuality or failure?   Personally, I prefer the former option.

 Step Five: Make friends with smart people.

             Only four days of the year in AP English offer a glimpse of hope for a good grade: Extra Credit Multiple Choice Day.  During any one of these joyous days, you can actually see your grade increase in AP English.  Therefore, to optimize that percentage of increase, ditch the dummies and find a group of people you think could answer multiple choice questions efficiently. 

I Need an Alphabet Song for My Name

[The following paragraph comes from a diary entry from the one and only Katie
Schmiedicker.  I managed to steal a page and transcribe it myself.  Enjoy.]

Dear Diary,

Ugh!  What another boring, long day.   Why do seniors have to go to school second semester?   I do not see the point.  This morning, I had another substitute teacher in one of my classes.  Obviously, teachers do not want to show up anymore as well.  Anyways, the substitute spent five minutes mispronouncing my name during the call for attendance.  “Skmid-idick-er?” No. “Smyde-deeker?”  Still, no. “Can you sound it out for me, Katie?” Has everyone forgotten how to use phonetics? People just need to sound it out.  Come on, root words.  Besides having a first name shared by hundreds of people in Chagrin Falls High School, I also have the longest last name no one has ever heard of—such a sad paradox.  Later in the day, things picked up a little bit.  During gym class, I demolished everyone in volleyball.  Honestly, the other team should not have even showed up.  I mean, they call me the “Gold Digger.”  It felt wonderful to vent some of my anger and frustration with the school system into an athletic activity—so many problems around here (sigh).  After teaching those underclassmen a lesson in sports, I began the trek to the classroom of AP English 12.  It only took a few self-motivational speeches, but I managed to convince myself to enter through the doorway.  Inside, I sat next to my writing partner, Alex King.  Among all of the writing partners I have had before, Alex and I probably share the most compatibility.  We procrastinate, waver on what to write about, and usually have no clue what to do most of the time.  Would I call these qualities ingredients for success?  Probably not, but who cares.  Today, Ms. Serensky gave the class a prompt with two poems and asked us to pre-write for it.  By the time she called “time,” I had only just started my outline.  Bummer.  Also, I think she mentioned something about a project deadline…worth half of my grade…maybe not.  Darn, I lost my train of thought.   What did I want to say?  Oh yeah, I hate school.  Alright, I am off to bed.  I already spent four hours on this diary entry.

Peace out,

Katie Schmiedicker (Spelled S-C-H-M-I-E-D-I-C-K-E-R)

Standing Still

          Life has many milestones—specific marks of achievement spread both structurally and sporadically throughout a lifetime.  Some milestones lay in conspicuous plain sight, waiting for that specific time of grandeur to arrive.  Other milestones occur at seemingly random times, surprising us with their presence.  The first milestone I can remember occurred twelve years ago.  I stood before an imposing entrance to a frighteningly large elementary school, and I can recall feeling contrasting emotions of fear and excitement.  In a matter of moments, I would meet my classmates of tomorrow and start my formal journey of education.  Entering that building would obviously initiate Kindergarten, but it would also initiate the beginning of maturity, of growing up.  While I did not specifically know the latter fact at the time, I still felt aware of the magnitude.  That experience of immobility, standing still before my future and thinking about the life-altering events to come, perfectly encapsulates the same position I find myself in now as I prepare to graduate high school and enter college.  How do I want my college peers to view me next year?  What kind of impression do I want to leave in the minds of people I have never previously met before?  I have had quite some time to ponder these questions and I think the answer has relative simplicity.  While I consider myself to have changed considerably since my kindergarten self, I think my approach to interacting with others has not deviated.  I want others to see me as welcoming and accepting.  A whole world of people and culture exists outside the boundaries of Chagrin Falls, and I want to fully explore that world and take advantage of meeting unique people.   Therefore, I want others to think of me as genuine, sociable and eager to embrace novel experiences.  In my mind, the worst thing I can do in college consists of closing myself off to unfamiliar territory and associating myself with similar people.  Twelve years ago, a boy took those first steps.  He broke his torpor, held his head high, and walked into a new phase of life with a broad smile.  I look to his straightforward but bold actions for compelling guidance.