It took some significant effort to compile this concise
and effective source of AP English advice and stratagems. Please guard this manual with your life and
treat it with reverence. If you follow
these five steps, you can expect glory, wealth, and a 5 on the AP exam in the
near future. However, if you digress
from this set path of instructions, prepare for pain and anguish.
Step
One: Never look back.
It all comes back to the origin—that
time you first sign up for AP English 11.
When you sign your scheduling contract with the Chagrin Falls Counseling
Department, your soul will become the property of a higher power. Do not fret.
Do not cry. Do not get
anxious. These emotions will only weigh
you down, and in some severe cases, destroy you. Honestly, you will probably lose many of your
friends on this journey. You must leave
them behind, as only the strong survive. Step Four: Never miss a day of class…ever.
The bus has broken down and your car has no gas. Also, a lightning storm rages outside your window and the temperature has dropped below zero. School starts in less than thirty minutes. What do you do? You run as fast as humanly possible—or collapse from complete exhaustion—until you reach the AP English classroom. Missing one day could freeze the world over and permanently prevent you from catching up. Punctuality or failure? Personally, I prefer the former option.
Ah, Alex, yet again I find myself cracking up at your blog. You compile five steps that not only hold truth and wisdom, however leave me, an AP English 12 student ready to conquer another two years of this class. A burst of confidence washes over me as I quietly repeat to myself over and over again "Do not fret. Do not cry. Do not get anxious." Your words comfort me in a way.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I have noticed growth in my right hand size. My right hand muscle bulges in comparison to my weak left hand. It is almost as if my left hand scoffs at the beauty and dominance of my right hand. So, thank you Ms. Serensky.
I have not noticed a physical difference between my right and left hand, like Shannon. However, I remember the way my right hand felt after the AP test last year, such as it running on overdrive, so I kept writing, but it hurt to write. The most tragic line ever: "it hurt to write." Writing should not hurt it should heal the soul. I just hope I do not feel this way after the test this year, despite the inevitability.
ReplyDeleteOccasionally, when interesting tidbits from the week's blogs make me laugh aloud, I read them to my mother, who relishes the twisted humour of my English class. This blog had her cackling in agreement, as we both silently realized my own sister will need to follow some of this advice next year. Also,step four in particular mirrors the story told some years ago of Mr. Maas taking his wife's car and leaving her stranded when his car failed to start, so that he might make his AP Calculus class. Whether or not this story holds water, the dedication of AP students to their classes remains matched only by the dedication of the teachers.
ReplyDeleteAlex, I found your post extremely accurate, particularly step 5. Receiving a perfect score on my multiple choice scantron easily tops my list of proudest English moments, however, the group I chose persuaded me to answer in ways that earned us a meager third place in the class, let alone breaking the entire AP 11 top three. Sorry Katie and Alyssa, but I'm ALWAYS right.
ReplyDeleteI like how you made surviving English sound so simple. As a junior, I could have used some calming advice to help me through the stress of the work. I belive if you maintain confidence and avoid intimidation, the class will seem less difficult.
ReplyDelete